Dans la suite des segments géniaux du Daily show, voici deux grands comiques américains, Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert, parodiant les controverses religieuses avec brio, dans leur segment défunt "Even Stevphen". J'ai pris la peine de charger cette vidéo et de transcrire le texte, car il est impossible de la trouver ailleurs à ma connaissance, pour des raisons de droits (Dailymotion et youtube refusent de la publier, ce qui est compréhensible, mais elle n'est pas disponible sur le site officiel, ce qui l'est moins). Profitez de ce moment hilarant de politiquement incorrect !


Stephen :  Tonight’s topic : Islam versus Christianity ; which is right ?
Steve : Islam.
Stephen : Christianity.
Steve : Islaaaaaaaaaam ! There is no God but Allah, and Muhammad is his prophet. Stephen ?
Stephen : Steve, this debate is about religion ; let’s discuss it rationally. Now, think about it : if you were God, would you manifest your divine Glory to a sheperd in a cave in Saudi Arabia in the Seventh Century, or as the son of a carpenter, in a manger, in Judea, in the year Zero ? Come on, use your mind.
Steve : Stephen, what part of « There is no God but Allah, and Muhammad is his prophet » don’t you understand ? Look, let’s assume, for the sake of the argument, that your God is the One true God. That would mean Allah is not the One true God, which we know he is. Don’t you see that your logic eats itself ?
Stephen : First off, it’s not my logic Steve, it’s God’s logic, as written in the Bible, every word of which is true. And we know every word is true because the Bible says that the Bible is true, and if you remember from earlier in this sentence, every word of the Bible is true. Now are you following me here, or are you some kind of a mindless zealot ?
Steve : You know, there is one way of settling this.
Stephen : Crusade.
Steve : All right, there are two ways of settling this. The one that I was thinking of : a pray-off. You pray to your... « God », and I will pray to Mine. And we’ll see which one of us gets smited.
Stephen : Great, let’s do it.
Steve : Is your God ready ?
Stephen : My God was born ready. Well, not so much "born" as « Begotten unmade, one-being with the Father » ready.
Steve : All right. Get set. Pray.

They pray.

Stephen : Done !
Steve : No no no no no no no, I’m done, I’m done too, and I appear to be unsmotted.
Stephen : Yeah, for now, but let me tell you : when you die and go to hell, you’re gonna wish you weren’t dead.
Steve : Interesting. Now am I going to be doing that after I go to Paradise to join my legion of spotless virgins for all eternity ? You know, cause I juste wanna give’em the heads up on where I’m going for ETERNITY.

Jon Stewart : Guys, I’m sorry, I’m just starting to think that this religion thing we’re not gonna settle in three minutes, so if you could wrap it up and find some common ground, that would be great. Sorry.

Steve : Hm. Maybe the jew is right.
Stephen : Yeah, maybe so. Which is funny, because, you know, I don’t care for Jews.
Steve : We don’t either.
Stephen : Really ?
Steve : We seem to find them kind of... scheming.
Stephen : Really ? We’re very big on that too !
Steve : Really ?
Stephen : Yes !
Steve : We’re not so different after all !

They laugh, shake hands, then stop, and look at Jon with suspicion

Steve : I’m Steve Carell
Stephen : And I’m Stephen Colbert, and this has been
Both : Even Stevphen
Jon Stewart : Thank you both.